Bomba - Original Energy

I successfully avoided the temptation to yank the tab off and throw this before I actually drank it. I purchased this grenade-shaped bottle at my local BigLots, more out of curiosity and amusement than actually hoping I would enjoy it, as I have sworn off energy drinks for well over a year. Also, they tend to not fit our guidelines, so you wont see many of them on here. That being said, this was the ONLY energy drink I found there that contained just sugar, which finally won me over. I found their quirky website (Warning: sexy PG-13 images), and learned BOMBAenergy is located in Austria, so how in the devil a box of these made their way to Utah is strange indeed. Possibly through their Arizona distributor. If you happen to see where these are sold, let me know.

Anyhow, after I resisted tossing this bottle through the window and diving for cover, I took a whiff. Oddly, it smells like Smarties, with a weird cheap-chocolate scent underneath. *shrug* And wouldn't you know it, it tastes like Smarties too. Very sweet and tart, it's also slightly carbonated. I vaguely reminds me of a certain crimson male bovine drink, but not tasting so much like rodent urine.

This small bottle (8.4 ounces) contained a whopping 33 grams of sugar (no HFCS), and excessive amounts of caffeine, taurine and several vitamins. Here's the rest of the contents, even of the bottle itself. I had to stop drinking this less than halfway through, it was just too much sugar for me. Being merely curious, this didn't break my heart too much, and I will never drink another one again.

Score: 5 for clever packaging, 1 for taste and sugar content.

-- WiseGuise

Function: House Call

Pre-Script: Once again, between work and school, my reviews have suffered drastically. I will try to get up at least one a week; I'm hoping we can break the 100 review mark before the end of the year. My apologies, keep reading, and submit suggestions! Thanks, WiseGuise.

I found this at a local retailer of all things dented, damaged, discontinued and bizarre, but it can be found elsewhere, like Albertson's, for around $1.30. After another lengthy stay in my refrigerator, I cracked this open and gave it the usual smell test, which hinted at more of a lemonade than a tea. And then I drank it. Drum roll?

I was a little blown away by this drink after my last encounter with Function, which didn't impress me much flavor-wise. This one is great, it had a sweet, mildly citrus flavor, and a smooth almost milky texture. It was unlike any other 'honey green-tea' I have ever had before. Sugars come in at 24 grams a 16.9 oz bottle, not great, but still not Coke status.
Ingredients & Info.

Although it's a green tea, it is caffeine free, also 'Physician Developed' and packed with more vitamins and antioxidants than an Orange County housewife preparing for her next botox injection. Overall, this has been one of my favorite Function drinks, and I plan on sampling more in the future.

Score: 4.5 out of 5.

-- WiseGuise

Amazake Rice Shake - Go Hazelnuts

Amazake & Sake Bottle, cir. Aug 2008

This was the epitome of impulse buys for me - it was expensive, and I already had everything I came to the store for, but something about that bottle just seemed to call to me... maybe it was the hazelnut flavor. Maybe it was the name Amazake. Maybe it was subliminal advertising. Whatever it was, I gave it a shot.

Down to the nitty-gritty: like any drink that touts itself as high energy, this has a whole lot of sugar in it. 31 grams in just one cup of this stuff. (One 12 oz can of coke has 39g). Wowza. That is this drink's Achilles Heel. But the ingredients are simple enough, I like that. There are only five: organic rice, hazelnuts, vanilla, hazelnut flavor, and a bit of xanthan gum for kicks. (Actually, it makes it thicker and shake-y).

And the taste? Oooh, this is so hazelnutty-good. After sip number two, I was hooked. It has a rich, smooth hazelnut and vanilla flavor that is a little too perfect. Just the right consistency, and surprisingly, it doesn't taste all that sweet, despite all the sugar. Speaking of which, where the hell is the sugar?! I had to look at the ingredients again to be sure, but no sweetener is listed - it's just rice, nuts, and flavoring...

I was about to panic, but then I realized that "Oh, hey, it says on the label it's 'Naturally Sweet from the Rice Itself'". Wow. You can tell, too, because it lacks the flavor of any of the usual sweeteners. This piqued my curiosity, so I went to consult the magical interwebs. It was then my privledge to learn all about the traditional Japanese beverage amazake, from which this drink gets its name. Amazake is a sweet, low-alcohol beverage in Japan that is reknowned as a health drink. They combine certain rice grains cause the carbohydrates to be broken down into simple sugars, and voila! Natural rice-sugar. Oh, those Japanese!

Rating: 4.5 out of 5, the .5 docked because of the high (albeit natural) sugar. You're in for a real treat, just don't drink the stuff like it was bottled water, allright?

- Danithius -

PS, just found the website: http://www.grainaissance.com/amazake.html