Function: House Call

Pre-Script: Once again, between work and school, my reviews have suffered drastically. I will try to get up at least one a week; I'm hoping we can break the 100 review mark before the end of the year. My apologies, keep reading, and submit suggestions! Thanks, WiseGuise.

I found this at a local retailer of all things dented, damaged, discontinued and bizarre, but it can be found elsewhere, like Albertson's, for around $1.30. After another lengthy stay in my refrigerator, I cracked this open and gave it the usual smell test, which hinted at more of a lemonade than a tea. And then I drank it. Drum roll?

I was a little blown away by this drink after my last encounter with Function, which didn't impress me much flavor-wise. This one is great, it had a sweet, mildly citrus flavor, and a smooth almost milky texture. It was unlike any other 'honey green-tea' I have ever had before. Sugars come in at 24 grams a 16.9 oz bottle, not great, but still not Coke status.
Ingredients & Info.

Although it's a green tea, it is caffeine free, also 'Physician Developed' and packed with more vitamins and antioxidants than an Orange County housewife preparing for her next botox injection. Overall, this has been one of my favorite Function drinks, and I plan on sampling more in the future.

Score: 4.5 out of 5.

-- WiseGuise

Function: Youth Trip

Youth Trip Vista, cir. Oct 2008

Wow, now that's an interesting flavor. It's like a grape shock-tart without the sour...with a buckwheat aftertaste. Yeah. There's buckwheat in this. I'll give that notion a few moments to congeal in your mind.

Did you black out for a second there? I know I did. Just brush yourself off and check for any major lacerations. If none, proceed with the review.

This is a crazy strange combo of ingredients, and yet it works somehow. Basically, this drink claims that it can be used in place of sunscreen. It'll give you healthy skin and cure wrinkles, too. Wow.

I'm split on the ingredients in here... the drink has a ton of ingredients I can't pronounce, but then on the other hand, it's made by doctors...hmmm. Sugar levels are just fine: only 26 g for 16 oz. It tastes sweet enough, and the flavor has enough depth and character to keep you interested till the end.

Rating: 4 out of 5 - I'm not sure if it will take the place of your SPF 30, but it has a unique taste and a lot of vitamins, so it's not a bad choice for midday quenching.

Function: Urban Detox: Citrus-Prickly Pear

I apologize for my lengthy absence, as I was unfairly detained by a large beverage company for my negative stance on their beverages. However, I am free now, and will continue in my pursuit of tasty Fructose-free Libations. Also, being in the Spirit of Originality, I am going to take on my own personal style to my posts, as Sir Danithius has.

The Good: I picked up this drink at a local grocery store for approximately a buck thirty, intrigued by it's simple packaging and lofty claims. Apparently, this drink can "Fight hangovers and rid your lungs and sinuses of airborne pollutants." I mean, wow. Several months later, after rescuing it from the back of my refrigerator, I actually drank it. It has a faint orange smell, like orange Kool-Aid or orange gummy-bears, without the chemical overtones.

The Bad: Although it goes down nicely, it tastes a like orange Kool-Aid as well, which is not so good. It also leaves an aftertaste, something like licking orange peels, which stays with you like a hangover. It gave me a bit of cottonmouth, possibly connected with the Cruzan & Coke downed previously.

The Ugly: I was already nearing an inebriated state when I fished this drink out of the sticky depths of my bachelor food-keeper, so I was not able to test the veracity of this drink, for which I apologize. Another blogger tried, see what he says here. As for my overall impression, I doubt I would buy this particular drink again based on the taste, although I will keep it in mind on the morn' following my next bender.

Ingredients and all that

-- WiseGuise